Everytime I think it can't get any worse or try to be positive that this time we actually will get some good news, I get a slap across the face sending me back to the reality that is mine in this cruel, lonely world of IF. I'm not trying to be dramatic but at this point, I'm just not sure how much more I can take.

Monday we went to the RE. He agreed to order a SA for the hubs so we can see if the surgery he had had any affect on him, but the u/s that was ordered indicated that the surgery didn't work. Well, he was right. We got the results today and his count is the same as last time. 5 million. 5 fucking million and shitty motility. WTF. Also, thanks to the useless surgery, he has an infection that will require antibiotics and cause us to wait until next cycle to attempt TTC again with an IUI. So, month 4 of not TTC. Fucking awesome. So far, I will spend 1/3 of this year just wasting time in that regard. The best part, we don't even know if this infection is causing hubby's pain or not. This infection could come and go and leave behind his pain. He refuses more surgery, and really I can't blame the guy! Seriously it was a big fat fucking fail the first time.

So now I'm left with big decisions. Do just an IUI? Get a little aggressive and add in meds such as Clomid to give hubby's swimmers more targets? Get super aggressive and jump to IVF?

Oh and this might be the worst time ever to be going through anti-depressant medication withdrawl. I took my last pill on Monday and my mail order prescription is MIA. Fuck. My. Life.